shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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