i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
