Yo dont text me then not text me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
