I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
