Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize