I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
