No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
