Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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