She said her name was "party"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
