i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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