Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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