You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
