my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
two words...techno handjob
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
