Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
