"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
