i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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