I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
