i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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