found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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