i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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