You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish my penis had a tongue
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
