I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
