Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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