need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
