Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
this will be a night to untag.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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