he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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