i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
