News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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