You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
