I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
