Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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