I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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