Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
