And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Your cock deserves a montage
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
