last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
