do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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