Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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