apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
