woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
