i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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