This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
