; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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