Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
