i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
