we made out on top of his cat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
