Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
