My balls are so social today.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
