You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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