I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
