cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
