I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
