WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
