im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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