I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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