So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
