i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
