Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's blow job season.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
